“I have high hopes that this year will be the year the dumb girl in me finally dies. she is long overdue for a painless, or even a painful, death. I’m so sick of listening to her try to convince me of things I know don’t make any sense: that the plots of romantic movies are plausible; that men who have cheated repeatedly might suddenly decide to turn over a new leaf; that guys who are assholes might turn out to be more considerate in time.”

“I have high hopes that this year will be the year the dumb girl in me finally dies. she is long overdue for a painless, or even a painful, death. I’m so sick of listening to her try to convince me of things I know don’t make any sense: that the plots of romantic movies are plausible; that men who have cheated repeatedly might suddenly decide to turn over a new leaf; that guys who are assholes might turn out to be more considerate in time.”

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”